ideas: from the world

TRIP: Snake-wear is hot in the City

SINGAPORE DAY 5-6: Way to make friends when travelling alone: wear a boa constrictor like a scarf in front of a couple of hundred people. Instant acclaim, serious kudos. “You were awesome, man.” (Thanks.) “Were you scared?” (Not really.) “Was it wet and slimy?” (No, not at all. Quite smooth.) “Where are you from?” (Australia.) “Ahhh, kangaroos!” (Indeed.) “Well done, great performance!” (Thanks again. I love yas all.)

It was my own fault for sitting in the front row of the Night Safari’s Creatures of the Night show. Naturally when the call went out for a “big strong macho man” the Indians behind me dobbed me in. Damn Indians. So up I get on stage. In front of 200 odd folks in the outdoor jungle auditorium. Forced to pose muscle man style to prove my macho-ness. The snake was draped over my shoulders. Gently hissing in a docile ‘ugh, here we go again’ sort of way. The cast, in a well-rehearsed routine, proceed to walk off the stage “for a cup of tea”, leaving me and my boa trapped in the spotlight. HIGHlarious. And after much encouragement from me – I had to play along, despite becoming quite enamored with the handsome reptile at this stage – they returned to rescue me and hand me my single scoop Ben and Jerry’s voucher for being a good sport. Much applause. I wave to the crowd. Bowing, kisses, etc.

The Night Safari is mind-blowing. It might be the best attraction I’ve ever been to. Anywhere. A magic experience that, unlike so many tourist attractions, actually felt really genuine; like you were experiencing something quite special. Animals seemingly run free. No fences to be seen, just moats and in some cases nothing at all. A tram meanders through the park – carved into centuries-old jungle, damp and dripping from earlier storms – with exhibits bathed in dim light nothing brighter than the moon. No flood lights, no flash photography (and therefore no photos as such – which actually makes it more special, something that has to be experienced and can’t be shared). Hippos, giraffes, lions and tigers and bears (oh my!). Deer wander up close enough to touch. There are other walks you do yourself, in little light, often completely alone. It’s quite eerie; quite an adventure. Sugar gliders fly over your head. Zebras graze a few metres away. Ottas stake out creeks for fish, ignorant of crowds watching them. Snakes slither across your shoulders…

The Singapore Zoo alongside is pretty outstanding itself. You could spend all day there – my day was cut short by a vicious thunderstorm that left us sheltering (and still sweltering) at tram stops and in reptile rooms. When it rains up here, it really rains.

Which is all an example of how you do tourist attractions really well. Sentosa is how you do it badly. This island a few hundred metres off Singapore is more construction site than holiday resort – the famous cable car across to the island glides over a wasteland of dirt and concrete and scaffolding; Universal Studios is moving in along with many more hotels. The existing ‘attractions’ are all so cheesy – cheese pizza, with cheese-stuffed crust and extra cheese. The ‘4D pirate movie adventure’ violently jolts your chair and spits water on you during a Disney-like short. The Luge ride is over just as quickly as it begins. The ‘Merlion underwater experience’ is all plastic rocks and chirpy music and overly American voiceovers. But of course you have to do it, shelling out more Singapore dollars each time.

What was actually interesting was Fort Siloso, a major military installation for the Allies pre and during WWII. As well as the tunnels and barracks of the fort, it really does bring a lot of the history of Singapore to life – the Japanese attack, their brutal three-year occupation, the surrender back to the British, and a resentful people demanding their own identity as a nation after the war. I learnt a lot.

Something else really genuine: the food, particularly the food markets. I spent my last night in Singapore at the Newton Hawker Centre, a very efficient one-stop train ride from Orchard Road. This is unquestionably an Asian food lover’s paradise. Dozens and dozens of stalls set up as some ancient food court under the stars. It is noisy and chaotic and it smells incredible, from blocks away. Hawking is technically illegal – but like so many archaic Singapore laws, it is openly flouted, and rightly so. Browsing the stalls while being accosted by various stallholders INSISTING their stall has the cheapest and best grub only adds to the experience. I thought I’d had satay sticks with peanut sauce. I was wrong. And for 50 cents each, it’s an inexpensive feast of food and culture.

This noisy eating haven is a far cry from the stubborn order elsewhere. It attracts typical charges against Singapore of being dull and ’sterile’. I like sterile. I like holidaying without the fear of contracting cholera. And this place is anything but dull. Per square metre, is there another country that packs and stacks in the same level of vibrant multi-culture? Yes, the train stations have pedestrian lane markings. (You know it makes sense.) And the little green crossing men have countdown clocks. (Given the way taxi drivers, particularly, behave the warning is appreciated.) City roads have tolls depending on the time of day you drive. (A rude shock when you take a taxi trip across town, but it virtually eliminates any real peaks in traffic.) People use trains because they are unwaveringly efficient. They go where you need them to go. The city footpaths are wide and green and, yes, free of rubbish and chewing gum. Singapore WORKS, despite the size of this major metropolis. And you can’t say that about some (smaller) Australian cities.

The story so far:

• SINGAPORE DAY 3-4: To shake, or not to shake
• DARWIN DAY 1-2: If you never, never go

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